"Hello.......motivation......................are you there?"

Why can't it just warm up outside? I know the minute it does I will be gung ho about working out. Christmas time came, went, and left me with a 6 lb gain. Holy shizz, I know. But I just wanted to have a great time and not worry about the parties, candy, chocolates, food and all that crap.

January 1st was my day of reckoning or starting down the path to my goal again. I was determined. To date I have lost 5 of the 6 lbs. that I gained from Christmas and I am happy about that.......but I just can't seem to be strict enought with myself to keep at it and loose more.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not gaining it back, I am completely maintaining. I guess I just don't want to cut out certain things that I've come to enjoy and make habit of, like diet soda, my afternoon snack (whatever "that" could be), "the little more than a serving" of cereal for breakfast because I just can't leave a tiny bit in the box if its almost gone etc. And I know I should be writing down what I eat.

I'm frustrated and upset because I feel like I should have been at my goal by now. I have been stuck at this point for far too long. I feel like I will never see the 120's. It will be a year in February that I started Weight Watchers.

Honestly............I feel like I look pretty good......and I guess I could be happy if I were to stay at 131 but down deep I just want to get to the goal I first set out for..........125. It makes me mad at myself that I have lost nearly 30 lbs and yet can't seem to find the strength to loose the last 6 to be at my goal.

Maybe its just a mental thing.....like its just so close that my mind subconsiously makes up worries for ex: "You've heard that when people get to their goals they start gaining it all back" or "When you reach your goal, you wont have to go to Weight Watchers anymore....how will you keep it off without them?".

I know... its stupid.

But I can't help it.

I have an amazing husband who gives me the encouragement I need to keep going. When I am at my lowest point and all I want to do is cry, he's there to listen and cheer me on. I love that.

This month as one of my New Years goals, I wanted to make an appointment for myself to get a physical done. Weird, I know. I am the type of person that worries about things. I am worried about my thyroid (because I have a brother and sister who are on lifetime medication), my hormones, and my families history with cancer (all my great aunts died from some form of female cancer). I decided to go with a female NP and it went really well. I am relieved and happy to say that all my tests came back normal. YAY for good health!

Another New Year goal I had was to become more spiritual. After I graduated high school, I went to institute classes at uvu and LOVED it. I learned more about the gospel there, than I ever had. I was saying daily prayers and reading my scriptures nightly. It made me feel so great about myself, life, others and the purpose I was put here for. I SO desperately want to be back into that spiritual mode. I have been reading my scriptures tons more and saying prayers more and I just feel better all the way around. It is helping me be a better mom, wife, and person. I am starting to look for the good in things and in people alot more often. Taking time to savor the moments instead of dwelling on negativity.

Brett and I have also planned on going to the Temple once a month. We kind of got lost in life and our purpose as a couple. Our parent/daily lives have become monotonous (sp?), so we decided to sit down and plan out dates and temple dates. Every other Thursday will be either a date night or a Temple date night. I am so excited! Last Thursday we had our first non-family member babysitter and it was awesome! We went to the Temple and after ate at TGIF's. It was relaxing and SO desperately needed!

Basically this year I guess I am being selfish haha! Focusing on myself is what I fully intend to do. Nothing is worse than feeling unhappy with yourself.

I kept my goals simple and, as you can see, I didn't do very many. In past years I have made a list of things to do and it just ends up getting lost somewhere. I wanted them to be things that are very important to me.

Things I could not forget.

On the surface, bugging me right now, sort of things.

Well.........................we'll see how it goes!

My First 2010 Read

I have been wanting to get back into reading for some time. With the holidays being so hectic, I didn't have the time or really the desire/need to read yet.

Well, I went to the library just the other day to find something to help good old nasty January seem a little less drab when I came across this book.

I remember this terrible tragedy clearly. I would watch the news and read the articles in PEOPLE magazine. It was a sad situation and something people wont ever forget.
This is a beautiful story written by Sharon Rocha, mother of Laci Peterson who was 7 months pregnant and killed by her husband. It was an intensely captivating book until the very end. She describes her daughter and their tight nit relationship. They were truly best friends. She talks about Laci growing up, the kind of person she was, Laci dating, meeting Scott, Laci's wedding day, their marriage and the phone call on December 24 2002, Christmas Eve, that changed their lives forever.

She also shares her thoughts and feelings about searching for her daughter and recounts those vividly excrutiating first 5 months. The court trials and hardships with Scott's parents are described and your heart aches for Laci's family as they seek justice. I was literally bawling, like ugly crying, through 1/2 of this book. It was such a great one though and I totally reccomend it to others.

Having read this book, my heart hurts for Laci's family and what they went through. As much as I dislike and am angered by how Scott's parents acted, my heart aches for their loss as well. Who know's how any of us would act in that kind of a situation involving our son or daughter being accused of murdering their spouse and child. We all want to see the best in our children and believe that we raised them right, that they wouldn't be capable of such a horrendous thing.

It's in those times we draw closer to our families and hold on to those people we love. She describes that she couldn't have made it through without her close circle of love (her family and friends). Sharon is an amazing person. She had class, self control, and strength in a time when most people would have lost it. I admire her. I would be thrilled to meet her someday....even though I have no idea what I would say. Actions speak louder than words sometimes, so I'd imagine I would just give her a great big hug, letting her know how much she's inspired me. She will never get over Laci and Conner's deaths, but I pray for her and her family to find peace and comfort that they will be reunited one day. There are two things that no matter what can be destroyed....love and God's plan.

Our Little Christmas

I loved our tree this year. It was the first time I have done colored lights (at the requests of both Brett and Brady) and I was really skeptical about making it look good. I have always done a really formal tree with white lights.....a pretty tree you would say but I caved and did the color thing. I told Brett that if he was going to have colored lights then I was going to go buy new decorations and decorate in a funky sort of way. Funky it was!

As you can see I have feathers and all sorts of wispy things coming out of it. There are even humming birds.... yet you can't see them. It turned out gorgeous and maybe not exactly what I was picturing in my head, but I was still happy with it. AND I found the perfect wrapping paper to match with its colors.

The picture above was taken on Christmas Eve and that next to the tree is the beloved train table that Brady was asking for. I was so glad that "Santa" decided to put it together early, because it took 3 hours to assemble and came with more than 200 pieces! Brett couldn't resist but play with it before we went to bed. I was watching him in awe because he looked like a little boy having the time of his life with it. I almost wanted to laugh out loud. But then after a moment I was getting after him because it makes loud train noises and I didn't want the chance of Brady walking in.

By the time we went to bed it was about 1:30 a.m. We sipped our bubbly in our special Christmas goblets, didn't even watch a Christmas movie that we normally do, but went straight to bed out of exhaustion.

To all my nieghbors who will be reading this...Brady did not, I repeat, did not get a BB gun. He was begging for one for the last 3 weeks before Christmas and after explaining that a BB gun would be to dangerous for Santa to put in his sleigh, he kinda dropped the subject. (Heaven forbid it should accidentily shoot one of the reindeer right?). The green thing is what he got instead. I, along with all your kids, are safe.

Sorry this picture is sideways. It wouldn't load correctly. Brady was so excited for his train table. If fact both him and Owen didn't even notice the stuff on the couch. They just went directly for the grand prize. It was so cute!

This was Brady's side of the couch. He obviously wasn't thrilled about clothes....I mean what kid is? But I was excited for him. He was in desperate need of pants that actually fit him and longer shirts. When I was shopping for him I had a sad feeling hit me as well as the excited. He is now in a size 4t which puts him into the "Boy" section at the stores instead of the baby/toddler section. He is growing up so fast and getting so tall! Lately I have been wanting to cry because the reality of it is hitting me. I know.....cheesy.


Owen's side. Have you ever had a panic feeling come over you Christmas Eve because as you look at all the stuff laid out, one kid looks like he didn't get enough? Well, that was Owen this year. I know, I know....it looks like he got plenty AND he is a baby, but he really didn't get as much as Brady and when I voiced this concern with Brett he looked at me like I was crazy. "Jina, he's 18 months old, he wont even know he was given anything". Still, it made me panic for a moment.

I love being able to stay at my home for Christmas morning. We have our little traditions that make it so exciting like opening our box of Lucky Charms that has been on the kitchen counter for 2 weeks with a bow on it waiting for Christmas morning. We all have a bowl of it and wait for each other to be done so that we've had our dose of "good luck" in getting the things we wished for. Then we go into the living room and open presents together.

Our boys made it so fun this year. Brett and I are so excited for the years to come with them knowing they are going to get better and better. I love being able to visit our parents that day who are just s short drive away. I am so grateful for family.

Happy Birthday Brett!!

Happy birthday to my cute husband! He is turning 28 years old today which makes it official that I have known him for 10 years! He is every bit as adorable and handsome as the day I met him. In honor of him I am going to list my 28 favorite things or words that describe him:



1- Hardworking

2- Patient

3- Always positive

4- Ambitious

5- His smile

6- His anxious personality

7- The AWESOME dad that he is

8- Thoughtful

9- Giving

10- His butt (hey its my list :)

11- Passionate

12- His testimony

13- I love the way he sings out loud when he's happy and doesn't think anyone is listening

14- The way he puts me first even if I object

15- He's goal oriented

16- He's a great provider

17- The way he plays with our boys the minute he gets home

18- He iron's his own clothes :)

19- Never complains

20- His love for Christmas :)

21- Talented

22- His desire to be the best at whatever he is doing

23- Romantic

24- He's affectionate

25- Adventurous

26- He's a dreamer

27- His love of watching romantic comedies with me

28- He's a sincere person


5 Things you didn't know about Brett:



1- He plays the guitar (acoustic and electric) and taught himself how.

2- He rode his motorcycle threw Payson High School in his boxers.

3- He LOVES rolos, mint chocolate chip icecream and peanut M&Ms

4- He was Garth Brooks biggest fan when he was little. He wrote him a letter and knows ALL his songs.

5- He loves to watch the JAZZ


Brett,

I am so grateful for you and all the love you give to us. You are such a great husband and father. On this day we hope to make you feel special, loved and adored. Being married to you has been the best adventure of my life. I have been blessed to have you in my life and for the 10 birthdays I have spent with you. Our boys are so lucky to have you as their father, idol, mentor, friend, and example. You are an amazing person who deserves more than you know. We love you very much and hope your Birthday is filled with joy and love.

Love
Jina, Brady & Owen

Family Pictures November 2009

Here are the new family pictures! I am SO happy with them. My sister-in-law Mandy took them and she did an awesome job! She started doing photography last year and is amazing don't ya think?

Gingerbread Insanity Take One

Every year I want to make a gingerbread house and this is the first year I attempted the (un-beknownst to me) hard endeavor. I remember making one in elementary school and having so much fun placing candy on it and showing the masterpiece to my mom with a huge smile on my face but well.....here is the tale....
I am a very detailed person and I love to create, organize, and decorate things. Sometimes in my mind I am more talented than I am in real life lol. As I was drumming up the idea of what I wanted to do and how everything was going to go, I never would have thought it would take me 2 days and all the muscles in my freaking body to make a little gingerbread beauty.
I went out, had candy in my mind I wanted to use, and collected little bits here and there. Yes, that was the easiest part. I then came home and started making the gingerbread from scratch which didn't seem to hard either.
In the recipe it says to roll up the gingerbread (after mixing all the ingredients together) and let it sit until cool. I did that and then began to roll it out to cut into the pieces for the house. Note to self and all others thinking about making one *Don't let it cool before rolling it out! It was tougher than diggin a whole in dried cement. I used every one of my muscles (and some I didn't know I even had) to roll out enough to cut one wall. I was up on my countertop, on my knees, pushing with all my might!
It was then after getting enough of the pieces cut out to constuct a proper house, that I decided to look at an example on the internet of one already made. Yeah... I had cut the front and back piece wrong so I improvised with some cardboard.
After glueing it and getting the frosting made to the perfect consistency I began the fun part of decorating. That's when my mind went blank and all ideas of proper candy placement left my brain. So here you have it: A lop-sided, looks like a 4th grader made it, gingerbread masterpiece made from yours truly lol.
This year was definitely a learning experience in the gingerbread house department! I had a good time laughing at myself though and plan on making this into a tradtion for the years to come. Brady had fun being the supervisor of where things needed to go and eating as much candy as he could before I had it all glued to the thing.

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Getting It Done

Since my last update on my weight...I gained a pound, lost it, and missed a weigh-in because of our St. George trip. On Thursday when I went in I lost 1.4 putting me at 132.2. I was happy! Lately I have been trying really hard to go for two weeks straight recording what I am eating and counting points so that Brett can reward me with new pants. He hears me complain about how hard it is at my weak moments, feels bad for me, then tells me I can just go get some new pants but I wont let myself do that. He, as my coach, has wanted to quit on me a few times because he feels bad telling me no to things but I wont let him lol.

I want to feel like I am completely sacrificing to get them. AND because if I do, loosing pounds = loosing inches = loosing pant sizes. If I go get them right now, I wont be in a different size. It's weird sometimes because I can feel my body getting smaller but the numbers on the scale don't change. All of a sudden on the 6th or so day of tracking it's like BAM! And then I see the numbers drop.

Today when I got on the scale it said 130.8! I was not expecting it at all and was so excited I called Brett to share the news lol. Now If I can just keep it going until next Sunday, I can get a very much needed and anticipated pair of jeans! I am so sick of wearing the same ones over and over lol!