"Hello.......motivation......................are you there?"

Why can't it just warm up outside? I know the minute it does I will be gung ho about working out. Christmas time came, went, and left me with a 6 lb gain. Holy shizz, I know. But I just wanted to have a great time and not worry about the parties, candy, chocolates, food and all that crap.

January 1st was my day of reckoning or starting down the path to my goal again. I was determined. To date I have lost 5 of the 6 lbs. that I gained from Christmas and I am happy about that.......but I just can't seem to be strict enought with myself to keep at it and loose more.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not gaining it back, I am completely maintaining. I guess I just don't want to cut out certain things that I've come to enjoy and make habit of, like diet soda, my afternoon snack (whatever "that" could be), "the little more than a serving" of cereal for breakfast because I just can't leave a tiny bit in the box if its almost gone etc. And I know I should be writing down what I eat.

I'm frustrated and upset because I feel like I should have been at my goal by now. I have been stuck at this point for far too long. I feel like I will never see the 120's. It will be a year in February that I started Weight Watchers.

Honestly............I feel like I look pretty good......and I guess I could be happy if I were to stay at 131 but down deep I just want to get to the goal I first set out for..........125. It makes me mad at myself that I have lost nearly 30 lbs and yet can't seem to find the strength to loose the last 6 to be at my goal.

Maybe its just a mental thing.....like its just so close that my mind subconsiously makes up worries for ex: "You've heard that when people get to their goals they start gaining it all back" or "When you reach your goal, you wont have to go to Weight Watchers anymore....how will you keep it off without them?".

I know... its stupid.

But I can't help it.

I have an amazing husband who gives me the encouragement I need to keep going. When I am at my lowest point and all I want to do is cry, he's there to listen and cheer me on. I love that.

This month as one of my New Years goals, I wanted to make an appointment for myself to get a physical done. Weird, I know. I am the type of person that worries about things. I am worried about my thyroid (because I have a brother and sister who are on lifetime medication), my hormones, and my families history with cancer (all my great aunts died from some form of female cancer). I decided to go with a female NP and it went really well. I am relieved and happy to say that all my tests came back normal. YAY for good health!

Another New Year goal I had was to become more spiritual. After I graduated high school, I went to institute classes at uvu and LOVED it. I learned more about the gospel there, than I ever had. I was saying daily prayers and reading my scriptures nightly. It made me feel so great about myself, life, others and the purpose I was put here for. I SO desperately want to be back into that spiritual mode. I have been reading my scriptures tons more and saying prayers more and I just feel better all the way around. It is helping me be a better mom, wife, and person. I am starting to look for the good in things and in people alot more often. Taking time to savor the moments instead of dwelling on negativity.

Brett and I have also planned on going to the Temple once a month. We kind of got lost in life and our purpose as a couple. Our parent/daily lives have become monotonous (sp?), so we decided to sit down and plan out dates and temple dates. Every other Thursday will be either a date night or a Temple date night. I am so excited! Last Thursday we had our first non-family member babysitter and it was awesome! We went to the Temple and after ate at TGIF's. It was relaxing and SO desperately needed!

Basically this year I guess I am being selfish haha! Focusing on myself is what I fully intend to do. Nothing is worse than feeling unhappy with yourself.

I kept my goals simple and, as you can see, I didn't do very many. In past years I have made a list of things to do and it just ends up getting lost somewhere. I wanted them to be things that are very important to me.

Things I could not forget.

On the surface, bugging me right now, sort of things.

Well.........................we'll see how it goes!