RollerCoaster

I have been SO emotional lately (to put it nicely!). This pregnancy has been so different from my boys in the emotions department.

I. Am. Such. A. Beast.

But at the same time, I want to bawl about everything! Every night I put my kids to bed, I go over in my mind the day we just had and I want to cry! I feel like I got after them too much or didn't exercise enough patience. (Not that this is really any different from when I am not pregnant cuz I do the same thing when I am not). But its even worse.

I just pray that my kids grow up to.....like me.

Tonight when putting Brady to bed, he gave Brett about 3 hugs, 2 kisses, and 1 "I love you". (This is after Brett had just put him in time-out about 5 minutes before). I brushed his teeth, read him two books, and went to lay by him in bed (yes we STILL have to, it only takes about 5 minutes or less before he is asleep) but he just layed down and after I said "I love you Brady" did he say it back to me.

I know he loves me cuz I am his mom, but it just makes me think "Man! I am such a beast! And maybe that is why he was so loving with Brett and not so much with me".

Although I still have to lay by him at night, I am so grateful for it because it helps me emotionally. With him being the oldest, I feel like I am always asking him why Owen's upset or this or that and getting after him. So me being able to cuddle with him as he goes to sleep, lets me put my mind at ease.

I just hope my kids feel loved.

On the other hand.... poor Brett. The guy is really taking a beating this time around. I am so glad he is so patient. I love him so much and right now (probably for the next 6 months) I don't deserve him. I feel like I should be locked up in some dark hole to mope and wallow in my own self pity.

Other than that....I am so glad its the holidays! I need things to look forward to that are close. I am reflecting alot on the birth of Christ and about those around us who may not have a Christmas. As much as we are suppose to be grateful in the month of November, I think I am more aware of my blessings and more grateful in December.